Emmett's Hannukah Challenge
by lexiecullen17
Summary: The Cullen Family is gearing up for another holiday season. Emmett has a special challenge for the boys. Who will be brave enough to accept the terms? Post-BD. Written for the Eight Days of Cullen. Rated M for language and an absolutely hilarious lemon.


**AN: Happy Hannukah to all of the Jews out there! As I am a Jew myself, I got into a very interesting conversation the other day with some fellow authors debating a topic of extreme importance.**

**That topic led to this magical one shot.**

**This is also going to be featured in **_**Eight Days of Cullen**_**, a fantastical look at the Cullen family and Judaism. Go check out the others at the C2:**

**http:// www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/community/8_Days_of_Cullen/75937/**

**Enjoy this Post-BD delight (my first foray into vamp-fiction…wish me luck!).**

–**EDWARD—**

I chuckled softly to myself as my daughter impatiently reran images from her friend, Sarah's, bat mitzvah over and over in her head, paying special attention to the rabbi laying the large scrolls across the wooden podium. She had never been inside a temple before last night and was incredibly curious as to how the religion worked. What did it mean? Why was it important? How were they different? What were those funny little hats the men wore?

"What are you laughing at?" Bella had snuggled into my side as she turned another page of _Crime and Punishment_. Apparently, my wife found Dostoyevsky fascinating. I, however, hadn't particularly enjoyed him the first time around and was perfectly content to just enjoy her by my side instead.

"Ness, did you have something you wanted to ask me?" She shook her head, but the questions of "why" and "what" were still running prominently through her mind. "You can ask me anything…you know that, right?" I asked to the inquisitive face lounging on the floor.

Blood rushed to her cheeks, and I tried not to cringe at the brief flicker of Jake's face in her mind before it was once again replaced by images of the temple she'd sat in last night.

"I just figured it'd be redundant to speak out loud." She rolled over to lay on her stomach and propped herself up onto her elbows. "I know how much you _love_ your quiet time, Dad."

It was true—I did love the peace and quiet that ensued when my family could spend time in our separate cottage. Bella rarely let me hear her thoughts, and I was constantly amused by the running stream of pictures in my daughter's head. We'd have to join everyone else later tonight when they got back from hunting, so I was relishing the silence. Just as quickly as I'd thought it, the silence diminished as Jake came bounding through the door.

"Sup, squirt?" He plopped down on the carpet and rolled towards Nessie, making her giggle. I could feel the low rumbling in my chest, warning Jake to back up when Bella distracted me completely. Suddenly, her lips were pressed to mine, and soon I was growling for a whole other reason.

She placed a delicate hand on the inside of my thigh, and I had to repeat the mantra "_your daughter is watching_" over and over in order to pry myself away.

"Come on!" Jake bellowed as he tossed Nessie to his back and raced towards the main house. As soon as they were out the door, Bella's hand returned to my leg, and I slid forward, urging her to pay more attention to the appendage further north than my thigh. "You, too!" I heard Jake call again, followed by snickering and Nessie's high-pitched squeals. _Cheater._

Sadly, I removed Bella's hand from my body and raced her to the house. It was almost Christmas time, and the Cullen household was aflutter with activity.

"Oh, good—I told Jake that would work," Alice mumbled to herself as she strung garlands down the banister. "Now you two can help with the decorations. Make yourself useful, please."

Bella bit her lip with her sharp teeth and sighed sadly. I knew the feeling. I missed alone time with my wife. Now that we were back in high school, I felt like we were never alone.

"Can you two cool down for one night, please?" Jasper begged, edging out of the room he had just entered. Apparently my wife and I were hot for one another.

_Suck it up, brother. At least you don't have to hear and/or see the tawdry sexual acts of your siblings and parents in more than graphic detail._

"Daddy?" I swung around at the small voice calling my name.

"Yes?"

"Sarah doesn't celebrate Christmas." She stated it, there was no question to her tone, so I waited for her to continue. "What do Jewish people celebrate?"

"Hannukah!" Emmett bellowed from upstairs.

_Hannukah?_ she thought loudly.

"It's the festival of lights. It commemorates the Jews' victory over the Greeks who had destroyed their temple. And they only had enough oil to keep their lantern burning for one night, but it lasted the eight days it took for them to get more oil. So, Hannukah is celebrated for eight nights."

_EIGHT NIGHTS?_ I saw her eyes widen, and eight nights of presents traveled through her mind at warp speed, making me laugh yet again. All she had to do was ask for presents; she knew that we couldn't resist, but here she was attracted to a religion based on more days of presents. So ridiculous.

"Why aren't we Jewish?"

Why indeed? I'd always been curious about Judaism, but I'd never had the motivation to do the proper research on the topic.

Suddenly, Alice dropped her garland, her head clouding with visions of blue and white. "Ugh," she groaned, staring straight at me. "You just had to go and change everything, didn't you? Well, now I suppose I should go out and buy blue and white decorations and a menorah, hmm?"

Bella clasped her hand with mine and tugged gently. "Edward?"

I smiled widely and called out to Carlisle. "How much do you know about Judaism?"

I heard Emmett snicker from upstairs as he pictured all he knew about Judaism, the foreskin of a baby's penis being snipped off. I laughed, too—that was the first thing I had learned about Judaism. Just then, I saw the same image flicker through Alice's head followed by the recitation of the Iliad. _Highly suspicious._

"Alice?"

Her eyes widened as she began racing through the house, pulling the Christmas decorations from the wall.

"Oh, this is just going to be too good…Jasper, follow your instincts, 'kay?" she said to the air.

"Alice!" I growled.

"Watch your voice, Edward," Esme called out from the kitchen—what she was doing in there, I had no idea.

Alice simply smiled, grabbed Nessie's hand and skipped out of the house, trying to explain the Jewish holidays to her.

Then, Jake appeared in the doorway with a bowl of food, showing off Esme's culinary efforts. "So, what's going on? Why does this house look all sad and empty all of a sudden?" He chewed his food loudly, making me grimace with disgust. "And where'd Ness go?"

Emmett bounded downstairs loudly, making sure I heard every one of his thoughts loud and clear before shouting, "We're converting to Judaism!"

"All of us?" Jake whined. "But…I love Christmas!"

"No, we don't all have to convert, but apparently Emmett has come up with a plan."

"It will be a Judaism challenge."

"And that entails…" Jasper trailed off, the discussion having piqued his interest.

"Well, there are a number of things, really…there's kosher eating…"

"Seriously? How do _we_ keep kosher?" Bella laughed, causing my cock to skyrocket again. Jasper groaned in disgust and mentally chastised me.

"No eating split-hoofed animals. Same as people who truly keep kosher."

"No drinking pigs—got it." Bella played along, letting Emmett regale in his newfound interest. "What else?"

"Well, I think we should learn the prayers and the history and maybe have a comprehensive test at the end?"

Jasper shook his head. "That seems a bit silly, Emmett. Vampire memory ensures that we won't forget anything we read. What's an actual difficult challenge of the daily Jewish lifestyle?"

A wicked thought went through Emmett's brain, and I cringed upon instinct.

"What?" Bella asked angrily, upset that she was being left out of the loop.

"No," I said firmly.

"Why not?" he pouted.

"Because…" I tried to think of an excuse, but my mind had gone totally blank.

"You're not scared, are you, Eddie?" he goaded.

"Scared of what?" Bella huffed.

"No, not scared—just…"

"Edward!" Bella snapped, using her "furious voice." It scared the pants off me, a little bit, so I decided to smile and breathe on her—just dazzle her minutely until I could change Emmett's train of thought. She sighed as my breath fanned across her face, making me smirk in triumph until she figured my plan out and pushed me aside. "Tell me, Emmett – what's the challenge?"

"Circumcision."

"Really?" Bella looked thoughtful, and I wondered what her expression could possibly mean.

"How would that even be possible for…us?" Jasper inquired.

Emmett flashed a huge smile, showing me his teeth as his mind portrayed a rather vulgar image of Rosalie lowering her head and baring her teeth before—

"Oh, good God, Emmett, I get it! Just…stop!" I pinched the bridge of my noise, trying to expel the image of what my brother _supposed_ his cock looked like by imaging what Bella would look like on mine.

Speaking of which…

"Don't you think your wife would have something to say about that?"

In a flash, Rosalie was downstairs, hanging off of Emmett's arm. "What am I having a say over? Emmett, what did you do now?"

"Edward, Jasper, and I are getting circumcised, baby. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure, Em." Rosalie rolled her eyes and sped back upstairs. Apparently she wasn't too concerned with Emmett's latest challenge.

"Well, I'm bowing out," Jasper said, tipping his head as if he were raising his hat to us. "That's pretty permanent to not discuss with my wife."

My eyes flashed up towards Jake, who was still eating, wondering if he was going to participate in Emmett's ludicrous plan. His eyes met mine, and I could hear him gulp loudly.

"What?"

"Are you going to…?"

Jake smirked cockily before flashing me an image of his already-circumcised junk. I grimaced at the image and looked quickly towards Bella, hoping to get another image in my head quickly. I hated when my family bombarded me like this. _Seriously, Jasper, you can't even begin to imagine my pain. _

Bella quirked her eyebrow at me before I mumbled, "Jake doesn't need to participate…"

Her mouth formed a small 'o' as Jake shouted out, "Already done, folks."

Bella cringed, and I hoped that she wasn't honestly picturing Jake's dick—otherwise I was going to have to take him out back and really rough him up.

"So it's just you and Emmett, then," Bella clarified.

I was shocked. Did that admission mean that I was actually going to do this? I was never one to back out of a bet with Emmett, and Bella definitely knew that.

"Bella?"

I heard a pop as Bella's shield expanded momentarily to let me in. _I think it's kind of hot, Edward. And I'd be more than happy to help you out with it…if you wanted. I've been curious about it for a while now. I've heard it feels better, although how that'd be possible, I have no idea…_

"Really?" She bit her lip and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her eyes glanced downwards, and it did not escape her notice that I was now sporting wood. "Okay, I'm in. When are we doing this?"

"Yes!" Emmett jumped up and punched his fist into the air, looking like a ridiculous cartoon from the late 80's. "Uhh…let's do it by the end of the week. That gives us two days."

"And if one of us bails?"

"I get permanent mocking rights about your sex life."

"That's ridiculous—you could care less if I talk about your sex life."

"Yeah, well, there's no chance I'm going to bail. Rosie's going to do it right now, aren't you, baby?" Emmett looked up towards the top of the stairs, and I could see an image of Rosalie clad in a slutty nurse's outfit, waiting to operate. "So—" Emmett turned back to me and held out his hand "do we have a deal?"

Rolling my eyes, I shook his hand firmly. With that, he was off.

"We should…" I nodded my head towards the door. I had no inclination to hear what was going to go on in Emmett and Rosalie's room. And—not that I'd ever admit it to Emmett—but I didn't want to hear if he screamed out with pain or not. I was only the slightest bit scared.

Bella agreed fervently, and we raced back to our cottage, collapsing on our bed. "So, when do you want to do this?" Bella said, running her hand up and down the inside of my thigh again.

I felt myself harden further and couldn't help but squirm underneath her feather light touch. "Well," I began shakily, "I'd like to do some more medical research."

"Mmhmm." Her pressure increased and my hips thrust slightly to create more friction, making me purr with pleasure.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Bella? You can tell me."

"I'm more than okay," she said breathily, rubbing harder against my pants. Leaning down, she ripped them off, letting my erection spring forward. "I'm excited."

She grabbed my hand and thrust it into her underwear, showing me just how excited she was. I plunged my fingers into her depths and rocked into her hand, which was now wrapped around my cock. Seconds later, we were moaning and breathless, coming to our climaxes together.

I rolled off her and reached beside the bed to pick up my laptop and googled "circumcision." Bella laughed and sprawled out across my chest, still naked, as I figured out the best way to actually do this.

After proper research, we came to the realization that I'd have to be flaccid for the circumcision to work, which posed quite the problem—since Bella wanted to be the one to do it, and I was in a perpetual state of arousal in her presence.

"It'll be fine," she cooed, pushing my unruly hair out of my eyes. "Are you ready?"

I gulped and nodded, preparing myself for the onslaught of her teeth ripping through my skin. I knew it would be painful for a few seconds, but the venom would heal it quickly enough—I hoped.

But as soon as her head got even remotely close to my dick, it was as if it knew she was there and wanted to get up and say 'hello.'

"Edward," she growled, warning me that my cock had to go back down for this to work.

"I'm trying, love. It just…has a mind of its own."

She leaned towards it, and it twitched towards her, nearly smacking her in the nose, causing her to break out into laughter.

"Bella, stop laughing!"

She growled in frustration, flicking it down, but only succeeding in making it even harder.

"Edward, it's not behaving. I'm going to get Carlisle."

"What?" I gasped, sitting straight up. "No!"

"Don't move." She kissed me before disappearing and running off, presumably to get Carlisle. This was a terrible idea, and I regretted agreeing to it immensely.

I threw the blanket over my naked waist just as Bella returned with Carlisle in tow. He smiled tentatively and took a step closer to the bed. My hands gripped the comforter, making it rip slightly under the force of my fist.

"Edward, relax," Carlisle cooed, taking another step towards the edge of the bed, only causing me to tense further. "You don't have to do this if you don't want, you know…"

I growled in frustration and let the comforter fall from my grasp. "I do, and you all know it."

Bella giggled and hopped onto the bed next to me, making the comforter fall and expose my erection. If I could have blushed, I would have. I could feel Carlisle's eyes trained on my cock, and I tried my very hardest to will it down in his presence. I groaned and leaned my head back on the wall, thumping it against the plaster, frustrated by my erection's unwillingness to subside. This was all kinds of embarrassing.

"It's okay, Edward." Bella stroked my arm, attempting to calm me down, but it was having quite the adverse effect. My eyes flashed towards her, wanting her to continue her stoking…somewhere else.

_Edward, focus. You need to, uh…get rid of that…_Carlisle raised his eyebrows as he focused on my still protruding dick.

"I realize that, Carlisle," I snapped. Bella moved her hand to my thigh, rubbing her thumb across the skin, causing me to groan again. This was not working.

"Maybe it'd be better if Bella sat, um, farther away." He was trying hard to keep his laughter at bay and doing a piss poor job of it.

"Oh, right." Bella ducked her head, tucking her chin into her chest, and I was sure that if she were still human, a furious blush would be gracing her cheeks. She scootched over and gave me the space I needed to regain control of my hardened flesh, finally keeping her hands to herself. I sighed, breathing in relief that I could finally get this over and done with…until I realized what the hell I was about to do.

Carlisle took the final step towards the edge of the bed, and I reach out for Bella's hand, clutching it tightly. I shut my eyes tightly, but I could still hear Carlisle moving towards me, approaching slowly.

I felt his breath fan across the head and his venom drip onto my flesh, trickling onto my thighs. And instead of being completely scared senseless—a normal reaction—my cock had to disobey and come to life, completely enthralled by the idea of Carlisle's mouth on it.

It wasn't as if I was attracted to men, but there had always been something about Carlisle that had intrigued me…

"Seriously, Edward?" Bella gasped as my erection poked Carlisle's cheek.

I cracked my eyes open, ashamed that I'd let this happen—and that I hadn't had the foresight to prevent it. _Where's Alice when you actually need her?_

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, confused, leaning his head back—as if to make sure that my erection wasn't a figment of his imagination.

"I-I'm sorry. This is…really…unfortunate, b-but I d-don't think C-Carlisle c-can do it…either."

I sighed, upset with myself at this current realization when I felt Bella's hands back on me. "Really?" she breathed into my ear.

Carlisle's eyes widened and his jaw unhinged with my admission. "Really?" I nodded, one short nod downwards, hoping he wouldn't ask me to elaborate. In all honestly, I wasn't sure I could. "I mean, your mother and I always suspected—"

"I'm not gay!" I shouted, making Carlisle's jaw snap shut. He looked at me with such confusion, and I hated that I had to justify my response. "It's just, um, you."

We all sat there uncomfortably, staring at my erection, stewing in an awkward silence. "We could get Jake to do it," Bella suggested. "I mean, he's a werewolf, so technically he's made to destroy our flesh. But that would mean having Jake's mouth on you, and as much as _I_ would enjoy that sight, I'm not sure that _you_ would…or maybe that's the point."

Somewhere within Bella's tirade, my erection shrank away. The image of Jake's mouth biting into the flesh of my cock was enough to make me lose my erection permanently. Maybe that had been Bella's intention all along.

"I suggest you act quickly, Bella." I nodded towards my flaccid cock and shut my eyes again.

It began to stir as I felt her approach, but I quickly squelched it as she breathed out a low, breathy, "Jake," making my eyes snap open in disbelief. It had been a very long time since I'd felt insecure about Bella's affection towards Jake, but I still remember her body wracked with sobs the night she said her goodbye to him. I couldn't believe that she would actually say his name while in such close proximity to my cock.

I was so distracted with the admission of Jake's name from my wife's lips that I barely even registered the fact that she was tearing through my skin until I felt the pain sear through my body like a thousand hot pokers.

"FUCK!" I screamed out, ripping the sheets into shreds with my fingers, trying to alleviate the pressure from my grating skin somewhere else.

Carlisle gasped, making me realize that he was still in the room. I didn't think he'd ever heard me swear, and he looked incredibly concerned. He rushed towards the bed as Bella continued gnawing off my skin, making me wince and shudder and scream. It was like being changed all over again…only starting with my dick. Needless to say, it wasn't the most fun I'd ever had.

"Oh, God, Carlisle—there's blood!" Bella gasped, making my look down with concern. That couldn't possibly be normal. Oh, God—what had I agreed to? What if this went terribly wrong? It was permanent! I could never get that skin back!

"Wh-what?" I stammered, pain still coursing through my body—now along with doubt.

Suddenly, the pain started subsiding, almost turning pleasurable, and I realized that Carlisle had started collecting his own venom in his hand and stroking my shaft where Bella's teeth had just been, closing up the wound.

"Shh," he soothed, spreading the venom around, watching it heal the wound.

Unable to resist, my hips thrust upwards, moving Carlisle's hand to stroke my shaft more firmly. He understood, and without questioning me, continued his movements while also increasing the pressure of his grip.

The noises coming out of my mouth were unrecognizable as Bella's efforts continued causing me severe pain, counteracted by the pleasure I felt from Carlisle's ministrations. Seeing the balance in pain and pleasure, Carlisle moved his other hand to caress my hair and the back of my neck, never letting up on his rubbing of my member.

Bella snapped her teeth one last time and flung the foreskin into the trash before moving her mouth back over the head. She hollowed out her cheeks, letting the venom pool in her mouth before moving her head downwards and pulling back and closing over the wound.

Overcome with gratitude that the pain was finally over and that I now had two people's attentions on my dick, my hands went to grip Bella's hair. Carlisle went to remove his hand, but—figuring this would never ever happen (or probably be spoken of) again—I stopped him, making sure that his hand continued its fondling.

Soon, my cock was completely erect and hard as stone. I aided Carlisle's hand around my shaft, moving it at the perfect rhythm.

Seeing my actions, Bella doubled her efforts, sucking my newly exposed head harder and moaning as she went. Apparently Bella had a two-guy-and-a-girl-threesome fantasy that I was unaware of, and it only spurred me on further.

Who didn't dream of having their wife want a threesome? I mean, come on, now. I may have been raised a prude, but I was still a man. And there was no way I wasn't going to enjoy this.

Bella was right—getting circumcised _did_ make everything feel better. I could feel every bit of her mouth as her tongue swirled around my head, laving and sucking with abandon. I groaned and threw my head back, this time moaning from intense pleasure.

I was on the brink of exploding when I felt Bella pry Carlisle's and my hands away from my erection. Her mouth popped off, allowing the cool air to hit my naked head, making me shiver involuntarily. Then, without warning, she plunged her mouth back over my cock, spurring on my sudden climax, which she swallowed quickly.

She continued to nip and suck at me, until I was completely spent. Carlisle continued to pet my hair, pushing it out of my eyes and trailing his fingers to the back of my neck, as she did so.

"Congratulations, Edward." Bella grinned and crawled her way on top of me, to press her lips against mine in a firm kiss.

"Don't you mean Mazel Tov?" Carlisle joked.

_I can't believe you actually did this, Edward. But…let's never speak of this moment again, okay?_

I nodded back to Carlisle's silent plea that Esme never find out about his brief but necessary interaction with my…circumcision. It still felt weird to even think the word, but…I had done it.

So there, Emmett.

I now felt the urge to gloat.

"Thanks for all of your help, Carlisle. I truly appreciate it. Let me put some clothes back on, and I can go tell Emmett to suck it." Carlisle raised his eyebrow in silent question; thoughts of _gay, gay, gay, gay_ were running through his mind. "I didn't mean it like that, and you know it!" I growled.

Bella laughed, too, having caught on to my unintentional double entendre. "Emmett doesn't get to, but I do…" Her hand wandered back down towards my resting appendage, waking it with the very slightest flick of her hand.

Carlisle cleared his throat and muttered uncomfortably about seeing us later before running at full speed back to the house.

"Come on, love." I stood up and admired my wife's handiwork for the first time since this whole debacle had started. It definitely looked…prettier. Having experienced both ways myself, I could finally understand the recent trend of circumcision. She pouted, still sprawled across the bed, waiting for something. "What, Bella?"

"Don't I get to take it for a test run?" She eyed my dick greedily and licked her lips. A low growl ripped from my chest, and I quickly jumped back onto the bed. Within seconds, I had her naked and writhing beneath me.

Being inside her felt doubly as amazing as being inside her mouth had felt. Her wetness covered every part of my flesh, coating each nook and cranny with her warm essence. I thrust in and out, reveling in the feel of her pulsing directly on me. It was new and exciting and by far the best thing I'd ever felt. It was like losing my virginity all over again.

"Edwarrrrd," she hissed. I had always known how to please her, but seeing this kind of reaction caused my ego to swell immensely.

Her nails dug into my back, scratching and scraping as her head shook side to side, overwhelmed by the new sensations. Suddenly, she pulsed and quivered around me, coming without any direct stimulation to her clit—only vaginal penetration. I wanted to take a second to pat myself on the back, but I was momentarily distracted by my own orgasm. I shot into her, riding out the sensations for as long as possible before collapsing onto her chest.

"Mmm, mazel tov is right," she mumbled into my hair while placing sporadic kisses through it. "That was incredible."

I agreed by kissing her thoroughly, still relishing the newfound intensified warmth of her core wrapped around me.

Yes, I was definitely ready to gloat.

I pulled out of her sadly and rolled over. Pants were thrown at me out of nowhere, and I put them on quickly, ready to laugh about it with Emmett. Seeing that Bella had thrown on a dress, I grabbed her hand and raced back into the house.

I stood in the doorway and observed the rare quiet living room, keeping Bella's hand firmly within my grasp, when Alice and Nessie came running back in, breaking us apart.

Alice was still reciting the Iliad, and I couldn't stand it anymore. Obviously she had seen that _this_ was going to happen, but…wasn't it over? What else was left to hide?

"Alice? What?"

Finally, her laughter broke forth, causing Emmett and Rosalie to look up from their spot on the couch.

"Edward won the challenge!"

Emmett's face dropped, and Rosalie snorted in disgust. I was confused.

"You didn't follow through?"

Emmett grimaced, shuddering slightly. "I-I didn't think you were actually going to go through with it!"

Bella snorted and shook her head, wrapping into my side. "Well, that's really too bad…for you, Rose." Bella winked, and it was the most forward I'd ever seen her be with our family. And she was bragging about my penis. I felt a surge of pride until I heard Nessie's _gross_ and the scamper of small feet away from the living room.

"Hey," I interjected, realizing something terrible. "We never came up with a punishment for you if you didn't do it, Emmett!"

Emmett smiled, showing off his dimples for everyone to see. Alice clapped and smiled, too, as she began putting up the blue and white decorations she had pictured earlier.

"I know!" she cried. "Everyone wins! It's a Hannukah miracle."

**Chapter End Notes: Reviews = love … now spread some holiday cheer.**


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